deux filles

The Adventures and Musings of 2 BFFs Separated by a Continent

Pull. Over. 4 August 2010

Filed under: Denise,Road Rage — deniselouise13 @ 5:45 pm
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Do you think it would be legal to mount a speaker on my car so I could yell at stupid drivers?  I used to think everyone should have a cell phone in their car that you could dial by using their license plate number.  Now I want a megaphone on top of my car, like the police or the ice cream man.  I can see it now…

“You missed the stop line, dipshit!”

“Nice turn signal, moron!”

“Pick a lane, asshole!”

“You need your lights on, idiot!”

“If your car’s too big for you to park, you need to get a smaller one, dumbass!”

(I feel like I’m channeling Red Foreman from That 70s Show.)

Or best of all, “Get off the phone!” like to the woman I just saw who stopped at an intersection even though she had the right-of-way (via a flashing yellow light) and the rest of us had stop signs, and were waiting oh-so-patiently for her to go.  She waved me and the guy across from me on, and we both pointed at her to GO! I wanted to yell at her (okay, who am I kidding, I did, but in my car), “GET OFF THE PHONE AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR TRAFFIC SIGNAL!” Now I could click on my CB radio microphone-thing and say it!  (And again, who am I kidding about turning it on, because it would be on ALL. THE. TIME.)

And THEN, it could rotate, so I can yell at people behind me!

“Get off my ass, bitch, ‘cuz I ain’t goin’ 40 in a 25!”

“Thanks for almost hitting me, are you blind that you didn’t see my turn signal?” (‘Cuz I actually DO use them.) 

Oooo! OR, turn it to the side and blast country music when the pseudo-gangbangers pull up next to me at a stop sign thumping rap!  (Only for wanna-bes, not real ones!) I do this anyway, and even put the window down to let it out but they always have better speakers.  Though my car IS the best stereo I’ve ever had. 

What do you think?  😉

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Get off the phone! 20 November 2009

Filed under: Denise,Road Rage — deniselouise13 @ 11:48 am
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I had to take my car to the dealer for inspection and to fix the electric window that wouldn’t go up. Oh yeah, and to find why the Maintenance Required light kept flashing. Since it was an all-day affair, my mom met me to drop my car off the night before (causing major stress about the broken window), drove me to work the next morning, and then took me to pick up the car after school.

When we got to the dealer, there weren’t a lot of places to park. My mom tried to get near the Service Department door, but at the last minute we saw there were none so she turned sharply into a spot to park. The car next to her was on the white line so it was kinda close. The girl in said car was blabbing on the phone and checking herself out in the visor mirror. So when she saw us, she looked back in a real exaggerated way to make sure we hadn’t hit her and then flipped up her mirror. We just stared at her. So my mild-mannered mother beeped her horn and made the same exasperated “What?” kind of hand gestures as the girl had. She gave us a nasty look and rolled her eyes, so my mom backed up and parked way over into the next spot on purpose so the girl wouldn’t hit her car whenever she decided to get out.

We went inside to get my car, and when we came back out, the girl was out of her car talking to two people. I got my bag out of my mom’s car, and then the girl said something to my mom about how she parked. (Because the people she was talking to had parked on the other side and had no room.) My mom was like, “Excuse me? I had to do it because of how YOU parked.”

And the bitch started laughing. I guess she was dropping off her car because she got in the other car and left. We stood there and stared them down to make sure they didn’t hit my mom’s car. Then I was just so annoyed; she was just so high and mighty stuck on herself, she needed to be taken down a peg.

So, I decided to write her a note. I was inspired by Sunshine’s “Mental handicaps don’t count” note for an able-bodied bimbo who parked in a handicapped spot sans sticker or hang-tag. I said, “Take a break from the phone, Princess. Then maybe you won’t get brain cancer. (If you have one.)” When I put it on her windshield I saw she had NJ inspection stickers so I added, “Go back to New Jersey.” Hopefully the guys working on her car leave the note there!