Do you think it would be legal to mount a speaker on my car so I could yell at stupid drivers? I used to think everyone should have a cell phone in their car that you could dial by using their license plate number. Now I want a megaphone on top of my car, like the police or the ice cream man. I can see it now…
“You missed the stop line, dipshit!”
“Nice turn signal, moron!”
“Pick a lane, asshole!”
“You need your lights on, idiot!”
“If your car’s too big for you to park, you need to get a smaller one, dumbass!”
(I feel like I’m channeling Red Foreman from That 70s Show.)
Or best of all, “Get off the phone!” like to the woman I just saw who stopped at an intersection even though she had the right-of-way (via a flashing yellow light) and the rest of us had stop signs, and were waiting oh-so-patiently for her to go. She waved me and the guy across from me on, and we both pointed at her to GO! I wanted to yell at her (okay, who am I kidding, I did, but in my car), “GET OFF THE PHONE AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR TRAFFIC SIGNAL!” Now I could click on my CB radio microphone-thing and say it! (And again, who am I kidding about turning it on, because it would be on ALL. THE. TIME.)
And THEN, it could rotate, so I can yell at people behind me!
“Get off my ass, bitch, ‘cuz I ain’t goin’ 40 in a 25!”
“Thanks for almost hitting me, are you blind that you didn’t see my turn signal?” (‘Cuz I actually DO use them.)
Oooo! OR, turn it to the side and blast country music when the pseudo-gangbangers pull up next to me at a stop sign thumping rap! (Only for wanna-bes, not real ones!) I do this anyway, and even put the window down to let it out but they always have better speakers. Though my car IS the best stereo I’ve ever had.
What do you think? 😉